I just don’t know what to do anymore! Money has always been a major issue in my marriage… And now that’s it’s ending it’s getting worse! I figured out my budget so I can “make it” alone… And it’s fine but there is no room for extras!
So now he tells me he needs to borrow 35.00 to move and that it will leave him with no gas or grocery money! Well wtf am I a bank? Our daughter needs her gymnastics registration money and I got that figured out… But now he wants me to give him money! Wtf!!!
Each and every year I get so upset. Why can’t I stop being so selfish.
On 9/11/01 while all of America was greiving the lost of our freesoms…. I had NOOOOOOOOOOO clue what was in store for me.
See on 9/11/01 I had my 34 week ob appt. I was just 6 weeks away from holding my beautiful baby boy.
(OMG I cant even type this… the tears are fastly approaching)
The only thing I wanted from that Dr’s appt that day was to find out why my Dylan was not moving as much as I KNEW he should be.
Everyone was so distracted by the morning events. My appt was just 30 minutes after the first tower was hit! ALL of us in America were in a state of shock. So they kept asking me about what I heard on the news and when I tried to get them back on topic I just kept getting… “well you doing your kick counts” I replied, “Yes but he just makes it and I have to push him to get those last couple in”, nurse and dr reply… “Its ok not every baby is the same you always say your first was a mover and a shaker… just look at it this way you wont have your handful as much”
ok now in hindsight I know that to be a perfectly true statement… BUT the other side of hindsight says “I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BABY… AND I WAS RIGHT!”
At 35 week and a few days on 9/20/2001… Dylan was born an angel.
Autopsy report shows fetal demise as “Marginal cord insertion”.
2 things could have been done to prevent this HORRIBLE pain I still today live with. (and we did both those things with babies 3&4, mind you).
1. non stress test (gives EXACT kick counts and movement rates)
2. Higher ultrasound which shows the placenta and its insertion site.
well and actually we did a 3rd thing with #3, we visited a specialist in Milwaukee to make sure that neither child had any issues.
He was born at 35 weeks and could have survived, they said his lungs were excellent and would not have had to been in the NICU!
Why did I not sue?? still not sure… maybe because I really don’t give a fuck about the monetary end… I WANT MY SON!!!
I guess I should add that getting pregnant was not something that came easy for us…
3 of the 4 kids were all conceived with fertility meds…
the one… my surprise… was wanted….
but just arrived 1 year before we had planned… big whoop.
We just wanted some space in their ages. But it happend, we were excited and kept on keeping on just as if it was 1 year later. No biggy… we were just trying to figure out when to call the dr and get the next Rx of meds…
So not having to take them was AWESOME!!! I actually preferred not to!
So forgive me if I am on edge for the remainder of the month.
I still have not found a way to cope.
Last night I was trying to think of something different for supper… and since all 5 of would be home I started to google.
Well I remembered that awhile ago I had seen something about crescent “sandwiches”.
So I googles cresscent recipes. Of course the very first link was to pillsbury’s website! PERFECT!
Well I did not think I would have as many choices as are offered at
So we ended up making
- Sloppy Joe crescents
- crab/spinach/feta/mozzerella crescents
- Ham and Swiss crescents
- PIzza crescents
They all are keepers!! We are very happy with all the ideas on PIllsbury site and with what we made!
Ok I can take a lot of pain but wow! Ever try to remove double flares from your ears? HOLY SHIT! Because all other methods were not working (and yes my gauges were fully healed when I put them in), I ended up putting my 12g paper into the same “hole” that the double flare was stuck in. 24 hours did not do anything… But 36th hour was the trick (don’t worry I don’t rush my gauges, I just have been very lucky with fast healing/stretching). Yeah now I am sporting one 8g taper in my right ear and on my left I just inserted the taper in with the 6g double flare (pics in next post)! Quick took some Advil! Omg I am in pain though! Word to the wise…. DoNT put in double flares!!!